if prostate cancer don’t get me maybe the van will…..scrubs for penelope?

So I am out at the lake with my dogs and my daughter’s dog Brother and my wife has just left after we had the most delightful time eating Blimpie’s stuff and letting the dogs run along the shore of Lake Lanier because it is down so much because we feed Atlanta and Alabama at the expense of us having a low pool lake. But that’s another matter.

My son Sam usurped my 96 Chrysler van for a road trip for his band, Sunglasses, and the van has been sitting out at the lake now for about two months. After my wife left I decided to fire it up and put the dogs in the back and go fill it up with gas and get some Alpo, water, and beer. So because my son had taken out the back two seats  the van was all set to got and the new little dachshunds were loving all the smells of both Sunglasses and hints of Chloe. The van was Chloe’s van, the Chloemobile.

I get to the Marathon convenience store in good fashion and begin to pump gas. As I am doing this a teenage pulls up to the pump beside me and then at right angles to his car in the rear is apparently his dad. It was odd and I as I was gassing up I wondered and in fact was a bit judgemental as to what in the hell were they doing. It was causing a minor traffic jam. I heard the father say, ” I paid for gas and I’m getting it.” I guess he paid cash for more gas than could fit in his son’s car so he positioned his car to get the rest. I am contemplating this before me when I hear the father say, “Hey something is pouring out from your car.”

Well, I am at about ten gallons and my car was empty so I looked at the nozzle and nothing there.

“It’s coming from underneath,” the father says.

I turn off the gas and sure enough gas is leaking all around the bottom of the van.

“You are going to blow something up fellow. You’d better not light a match or you are history.”

I begin to think that I need to get the car back to the lake cabin before all the gas leaks, but I needed the water, Alpo and beer.

I rush in to get my stuff and as I am checking out a scantily and shapely blonde is behind me in line. She has on tattered jean shorts, high heels and a motorcycle type leather jacket that is fastened in such a way as to expose…well you know what. The situation where the male is so aware of it that he looks everywhere but there. I get my stuff and looking to the ceiling leave. The clerk says, “Why not get two Alpos, otherwise  you’ll be back for another one tomorrow.” No I was done, I had a molotov cocktail of van with four dogs waiting on me and gas was leaking all the while.

As I go outside there is a convertible Miata with a bulldog in it that is dressed exactly like the girl in line behind me. I quickly made sure she was occupied with check out and then took the above picture with my iphone.

As I was leaving I saw her coming out, kiss her dog, get in the car and leave.

One thing…as is cranked the van I had this thought that a spark of the ignition would ignite the gas and I would be history.

Local doctor killed in van accident along with four dogs.

My wife says to me all the time, “John, please get a new car. Nothing you drive has an airbag.”

This may be the time.